Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
