oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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