I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
