Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
two words: eviction party
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
