Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just pynch a tree in the face
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
