I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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