Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
