When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
