Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
