see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
