meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
