Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
