Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
