am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
