My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
