Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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