He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
