If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
