I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
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On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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