i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
