so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
