Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
