people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
