She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
