I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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