The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
