I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
