U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
