Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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