Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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