So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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