i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
