Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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