You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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