Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize