do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
