Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
this will be a night to untag.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
