you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
