dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Still dying that you shit outside
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
