your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
