I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize