why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
