nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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