giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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