How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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