I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
