shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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