can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
