just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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