I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
