Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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