he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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