I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do you remember whose house we're in?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
