It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
