i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
