I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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