we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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