Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
