I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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