dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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