Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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