we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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