Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
