**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
