So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
