Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
