I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
