So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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